Thank You, Abba

Yesterday I heard a young Jewish boy in a store saying “Abba” frequently. My ears were primed because of how I pray to Father God using that very word which means Father.

For me using “Abba” creates a deeper intimacy between God and I. Hearing this young boy was honestly so reassuring. I felt like God was telling me He hears me, truly hears me whenever I communicate with Him.

Saturday night was a great night just praying to Abba and hearing from His Word. To be honest, I didn’t hear much but I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. You see, before Saturday I regret to admit…I was consistently on edge. Little things would set me off. I even exploded on some unsuspecting car salesman that I didn’t even know. After doing that I knew something was out of line spiritually. I ended up reaching out to my friend through text (I will refer to her as Prayer Warrior-because that’s exactly what I believe she is). Prayer Warrior pointed me to spending time with the Lord. Even though I ended up staying up til almost 1:30am…it was SO WORTH IT.

The peace that surpasses all understanding that I felt made it all worth it. I had been complaining on and off to God about feeling lonely during the week beforehand. I complained about not having any friends and just feeling so isolated. Well after I filled that void with time spent with the Lord…He blessed me. He didn’t beforehand because I was trying desperately to fill voids without Him. Putting Him first opened the door for Him to meet my other needs.

At church the next morning, I was immensely blessed. Did the enemy attack me frequently though? OF COURSE!!! The devil wanted me to miss all of what God was doing and believe lies like, “You are all alone”, “No one wants you to sit with them”, “You will always be by yourself”, “God doesn’t truly care about you”, “You’re invisible”, “You’re not good enough to hang with anyone here”, “They don’t care about you”…and those lies played in my mind on and off the entire time BUT!!!

Abba God reached out to me through a couple girls around my age. I’ll refer to them as Childlike Faith and Honesty. If it wasn’t for Honesty I would have never found my church and I also honestly probably would not still be alive today. Her honesty is what really woke me up to get help when I was truly struggling.

Childlike Faith has always had this light about her. Lately, I have seen so much joy radiate from her that can only be explained by Abba. The kind of joy that just gets you excited about the Lord!

We all need Honesty in our lives for without truth, we are only fooling ourselves. She complimented my Zox wristband that said “Never Settle” on it and it’s such a great reminder. I often get too comfortable where God doesn’t want me to stay and that really needs to change. I haven’t truly let go of an ex boyfriend…but that needs to change. I need to fill that with Abba, then He will meet my need of a future husband…but only after I fill that void with God.

Childlike Faith reached out to me through acknowledging me, hugging me, and even going out of her way when I sat somewhere off in a corner to speak with me. I felt this eagerness from her just wanting to follow the Lord wherever He may lead her. The kind of eagerness you get when you first believe and allow God to lead your life. I need to get back to that place where God truly is my first love fulfilling every void in my life.

I just thank God so much for these two girls that really broke the lies of the enemy that day and they were not even aware of that war raging on.

I’m so thankful for Prayer Warrior, because if I had not spent time with Abba Saturday night I may have missed God speaking to me through the actions of these girls.

Most importantly though…Thank You, Abba. May Your perfect will be done in each of our lives. May we follow where You lead us. May we recognize that You fill every void in our lives. May we press into the victory we have through You. Lead us, God. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Brothers and sisters, please be praying for me that I keep setting time aside for the Lord. It’s that intentional time with Abba that really fills my heart and helps me to live in a much more peaceful manner. Pray I press into the Lord whenever I start feeling irritable. I don’t want to blow up on random people…it’s the last thing I’d ever want! Forgive me if I have done just that to you.

Love you all!! If I can be praying for you about anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.

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I can’t…but YOU can!!

So many times we speak to ourselves and others the words, “I can’t…”

Many times that’s actually completely true. On my own I know I can barely do anything besides blow in the breeze. We are all just simply dust.

With God working through us though…anything is possible. Dreams beyond your biggest dreams are possible.

God has been nudging on my heart to go back to my past (teenage years) in order to bring light to teenagers that may be struggling. On my own I can’t do it. I can’t. It was such a dark time in my life–a time that felt so hopeless. However, with God’s help and through your prayers (anyone reading this), it will be possible.

I’ve printed out the first chapter of a book I wrote during this dark time in my life to edit. On my own I can’t get past the first paragraph. I’m transported back to a time of such isolation–a time where numbness was all I knew. A time where my dark closet with only the computer screen for light felt more comfortable than human interaction or the outdoors. A time where running away seemed to be the only escape. I may have been numb then…but going back there seeing myself from this light filled place I’m at…I just want to cry. Seeing myself so hopeless…barely holding on…I just want to go back in time like Flash and give myself a gigantic hug. I’d rather just not go back…and stay here looking ahead.

I have compassion for the one woman who looked back in the Bible and ended up turning to stone. Shouldn’t this be a warning to never look back?

However, in order to keep going where God is ultimately calling me…I must face my past. I can only do it through God and God alone.

Pray for me, sisters and brothers, for this journey isn’t easy. Being a Christian trying your best to follow God’s calling is never easy. The enemy will trip you up as soon as you think you’re on top. We must gently remind ourselves…this life is not about us. It’s about God. It’s always been about Him. We are but dust, yet He formed us into substance. We have the choice to blow in the wind or follow God allowing Him to shape and mold us more and more into the image of Christ.

My hope is that you are not giving up on your calling. If you’ve gotten discouraged or knocked down like me…I encourage you to get back up. Rise up, sister!!! Rise up, brother!!! Maybe you can’t…but God can lift you up no matter how low you are. God’s got you and no one or thing can snatch you out of His mighty hand. ❤️

I wasn’t planning on blogging tonight…but sometimes you just get this nudge and have to follow the leading!!! My prayer is that this has reached at least one person to continue in their calling for God’s kingdom.

ABBA God,

I want to just lift up anyone reading this to You. Thank You for working in and through us, Lord. May Your kingdom come and Your will be done in our lives. Breathe life into our bones daily and remind us of Your new mercies with the sunrise. Comfort us that even in our darkest and lowest moments…Your love is alive and can breathe into us a light we cannot even fathom. Thank You, Lord, for Your love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Beautifully Broken

To call all of our emotions beautiful…all of our scars beautiful…sounds ridiculous.

However, if we view them as ugly…how will it benefit us? We will do everything to avoid them…to fight them…but our war is not against flesh and blood. It’s against the spiritual world.

What if our true weapon is a fresh perspective? Alongside our most powerful weapon: forgiveness.

That scar on your skin…that one from your boyfriend…that one from yourself…that one from a painful experience…that one that brings up so much pain every time you see a glimpse of it… what if…what if you saw it in a new light?

You woke up this morning and the sun was shining on your scar that you desperately try to hide from others. No one can know.

It’s too painful to be reminded.

What if that scar opens a door for someone? What if the scar you feel only shows darkness…is actually the avenue that allows light to enter into someone’s life?

An open door for conversation. A light that shows they are not alone. A light that shows there is hope through the pain.

What if the scar you only saw as evil and dark…was turned into something beautiful through a simple act of forgiveness…forgiveness towards self…forgiveness towards others…

Do we stay around someone who is hurting us? That is between you and God…but if it is yourself you simply cannot leave. Forgiveness is more powerful than you know. Forgiveness does not equal acceptance.

No physical harm should be accepted. Does that mean you should fight yourself or another if it comes your way? By no means!! Do the unexpected. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Do not simply just forgive someone who is harming you through accepting it as okay…forgive yourself so that you can recognize that YOU, my friend, are a child of God!!! You are ROYALTY, my friend!!!!

Forgiveness does NOT equal acceptance!

Pray…pray for those that bring harm even if it is simply yourself. Prayer is powerful. More than you know.

Our fight is not against flesh and blood.

You are beautiful even in the midst of your brokenness.

Thank You, Abba God, for turning our scars into gold with Your light shining through. May our painful past be the light for another. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

A Greater Calling

“Great battles are the evidence of a greater calling.”-Pastor Hadley Baker

When we are faced with great battles, we need to recognize that our God is bigger. The enemy attacks us because he knows what great plans God already has for us!!

The devil will do whatever he can to distract us, delay us, and ultimately destroy us.

My friend I mentioned before as “Encouragement”? Well God used her yet again to encourage me!!! So thankful for her. I have been encouraged to get back into writing more than just blogs. I have plans already for FOUR books to get published!!! 3 are fictional for teenagers (Trilogy) and the other is non-fiction Christian. I cannot wait to get them all out through Amazon!! However, none of them are finished yet. One still needs to be completely edited so keep me in your thoughts and prayers to make this dream that I’ve had for awhile a reality.

The enemy may have distracted me…delayed me…and almost destroyed me. BUT God!!!! God has redeemed me with a renewed hope/passion and I’m soooo stoked y’all!!! Man…I just realized God is answering something I’ve been praying about!!! Thank You, God!!! May my passion continue to grow and burn for You and Your glory.

Hallelujah!!

Recently, my work schedule completely changed. Suddenly, instead of getting done with everything in the morning it’s all been pushed back. At first I’ll be honest…I HATED it. I want to get work done and be in for the day! Then I realized today….wow, what a blessing.. I have time in the morning to accomplish so much. Before, I would get home exhausted and just want to sleep the rest of the day. Now, I’m still a little tired in the morning…haha…but I definitely have more energy to accomplish things. Which also means…time to work on those books!!! God is so good. Even when we are thinking everything is chaos…maybe God is really reworking things to benefit us. Take a step back and look at the full picture. God is so good! As I was typing that my mom sent me a blur of a picture by mistake! Haha what great timing!! Everything may be a blur to us, but step back and maybe just maybe…everything is actually coming together.

Your dreams right now are so small…compared to how much more God can dream. You have a greater calling. What are you doing with it right now?

Are you distracted? Are you delaying dreams you have had for so long? Are you allowing the enemy to destroy you?

God has life and a greater calling for you, sister/brother!!!

He will never forsake you.

He sees you.

He knows you.

He is for you.

Remind us of who You are, God. Thank You for Your love that overflows. May You be high and lifted up!!!

Set Free From Captivity

Though I just wrote a blog recently about being a prisoner of Christ…this one goes hand in hand with it but speaks about freedom in Christ. How we no longer are captives of habitual sin. Our cages have been left open. No longer sons of darkness, but sons of the light! We have been adopted and set free!!!

So why then do we choose to stay in our cage? Why then do we choose to go back into the cage after stepping out?

We are too comfortable in our cages. Though they are filled with empty promises we are used to them. They are familiar and we know what to expect even if it’s literally nothing.

Stepping outside of the cage overwhelms us. It is so unfamiliar. It’s like living on a deserted island and walking out into the hustle and bustle of New York City on New Year’s Eve. So we dramatically run back to the familiar. The isolation. We know left to ourselves we will ultimately get hurt, but out in the city don’t we still have a 50/50 chance of getting hurt?

The Holy Spirit keeps urgently nudging me to get out of my cage. Every time it is completely and utterly overwhelming…but let me also tell you this. Every time I taste the freedom and begin to recognize how beautiful it is. I begin to recognize I haven’t been called to a life of captivity, but a life urging others to step out of their comfort zone.

The first time I stepped out recently on my own, I came back into my cage with battle wounds. I had self-harmed with no recollection of even doing it. Being so overwhelmed I unintentionally hurt myself. If you release a wild animal after being captive for so long, it won’t be long before they get hurt too…If I had just stayed out in the “wild” with no support, I could have potentially gotten hurt even worse. This is one reason we were created to not walk this earth alone.

When an animal is released back into the wild with another wild animal accepting them in their pack, they are much more likely to make it. Another time recently, I stepped out of my cage and was with a friend to support me. I mentioned her as “Encouragement” in a recent blog post and she definitely was. If I had done that excursion completely on my own, I most likely would not have come back all in one piece. It pressed me hard on all sides overwhelming me to the core.

In order to succeed and to gain true victory, we need each other. We can not walk out of captivity alone when we have been captive so long. We ultimately will come back hurt and scared seeking the comfort of the broken promises we’ve laid hold of for long.

One beautiful thing to remember though is that God is ALWAYS with us. He will walk with you out of your cage. He will uphold you. Through my friend walking with me I was able to see this, but when I stepped out alone I became too overwhelmed and my senses were blindsided. Nonetheless, God was there with me too. Though I unintentionally harmed myself, He also gave me sooo much hope of my future. As I soak and meditate on His promises and truths, my hope is that next time I step out…even though it will be uncomfortable may I rest in the fact that God is right there beside me.

My hope, sisters and brothers, is that you too will step out of your cages of captivity allowing God to show you that there is soooo much more to your future.

Your story isn’t finished.

God Speaks Through the Ordinary

The past month or so I’ve been over-analyzing my ears. Ranging from not listening hard enough for God to maybe God is punishing me. What if instead it was something much simpler. Something so simple that even I missed it. God only works through extraordinary ways, right? Wrong!

In part, I may be allergic to Lavender…I was using a new lavender shampoo daily thinking it wasn’t harming my ears, but they were not healing very well… I ordered lavender essential oil…but received bamboo sticks!!! Tried buying some at a store, but they were sold out. God knew if I had received that oil, my ears would have not healed at all. This was only one thing though…next the super ordinary steps in…

I’ve been waiting for God to speak in extraordinary ways that I completely missed how I heard from Him in the past!!!

Through the ordinary I’ve heard from Him in past occasions: Notebook with pen, Bible, and a CD Player with headphones. I haven’t put headphones on since my time at Mercy Multiplied practically!!! Maybe just maybe…my ears were getting so bad because God wanted to remind me of something Sooooo simple…a CD player with headphones…

Praise the LORD!!!! My ears are healing in ways only explained by God and last night I had such an amazing time with Jesus!!!! All the glory to You, God!!! Be lifted high, Jesus!!!!! This unexplainable Joy and peace is ONLY explained by You, LORD!!!!!!

Thank You, sweet Jesus.

Your Life Train with Addiction

We all have one of three driving our train at all times: God, ourself, or Satan.

When it comes to addictions we may start off with a great goal and intention not to go into them, but through choosing to take over that driver seat we chance running into a dead end.

God needs to be in control in the driver’s seat of our lives so that we not only reach our fullest potential, but also bring God the most glory. More often then not though…things happen. Circumstances, impatience, envy, and so on that lead us into taking over the driver’s seat. The Lord is a gentleman so He will allow us to take control whenever we want, but be forewarned…we don’t always know where our choice may lead.

When it comes to an addiction, we see a different path up ahead that looks appealing. We see God is going to keep going straight, but we want to veer off into another train track. We have a split moment to decide whether we stay or jump into the driver’s seat to change course. Before any rash decisions God slows the train down so we are able to invite a loved one on board with us.

We debate in our minds as the train keeps steadily moving forward. Knowing we are about to jump into the driver’s seat, we ignorantly choose to not bring a loved one on board. We are novices in driving trains. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to risk harming my loved one. We jump in the driver’s seat and veer off onto another track.

At first, it’s exciting. Beautiful scenery all around. Suddenly the railroad starts to get bumpy. You don’t see a way to get off the track you already chose to get on. Panicking, but not wanting to lose site of this gorgeous scenery you look around. Satan offers to jump into the seat and promises even more spectacular scenery. God gently urges you to allow him to take over again, but also says it may be painful now that you’re on this track. We choose the broken promise of Satan and let him jump in. He speeds up and lifts up off the tracks. It’s exhilarating as you fly across the sky and suddenly you land on another track with scenery you’ve never seen before. No longer paying attention to your destination, you get lost in the ride of a lifetime. Suddenly, the train crashes into a brick wall. Bricks of shame crumble down on top of you. Metal of regret twisted and tangled up all around you. Bits of unforgiving gravel crusted in your eyes and ears so that you’re unable to see God reaching down to pull you out. All you can think is that you’re so glad your loved one isn’t on the train with you…but then you know how hurt they will be to hear about this accident on the news…and then how it really was not an accident. The weight of bricks holds you down…

If only you had known… if only you had invited your loved one onto the train…not to have had them crash with you, but knowing you had them on board maybe you would not have even chosen to take over the steering wheel. Even if you had…maybe they could have convinced you to allow God to take over again instead of having chosen Satan.

With God, there are no dead ends. Only new beginnings. Sure, there may be some rough railroad tracks here and there even on his track, but He promises nothing can separate us from His love. What do you have to lose?

With Satan, there are always dead ends. We will crash and burn no matter what if he takes the wheel and keeps it for a few moments. His promises are always broken and full of lies. Everything looks peachy, but ends abruptly.

So why do we allow him to take over the wheel again and again? It’s us. We choose one way that’s veered off from God’s path and it allows the enemy to convince us that there is something God is holding back from us.

Invite your loved one on your train ride. Accountability is necessary. We need each other.

And if you see your loved one veering off, pray for them fervently. You never know which crash will be the last..

If they are still going, there is still hope.

Prisoner of Jesus Christ

Oh, what a beautiful paradox. To be completely free as a prisoner.

“For the wages of sin is death…”

Do you realize you have to WORK to go to hell?

“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”-Romans 6:23

Heaven, however, is a gift that everyone is offered. All we must do is receive it and believe. You don’t have to be a better person to accept a gift. There is absolutely no work involved.

Does that give us a license for sin?

Absolutely not. We are given the Holy Spirit to help us get our flesh under control. By the Lord’s grace we have strength. Why work to go to hell when we are forgiven. Completely. We are new in Christ!!!!

Sister…brother…WAKE UP!!! Arise, sleeper!!! We are FREE from sin!!!!

So long I have been a prisoner of myself. Trying to “do better”…trying to “earn forgiveness”…all the while working to go to hell through habitual sin…and yet Jesus already forgave me. Asleep to my condition..locked up to myself..to my own flesh a prisoner.

Jesus gave me the key to unlock my own prison…forgiveness. Forgiveness towards self through the forgiveness He has already freely given! I am free!!! What joy!!! A prisoner of Jesus Christ now yet absolutely and 100% free! Just try and wrap your head around that one.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

-Proverbs 3:5-6

What amazing grace. How sweet the sound.

Be High and Lifted Up, Lord

I fail God everyday in so many ways and yet…His love endures forever.

Lately my phone and work have become my life practically. God has been trying to get my attention through a metaphor and it just became absolutely clear to me yesterday.

Embarrassingly my ears had been getting extremely bad looking. I’ve been doing my best to cover them from others seeing and trying to heal them all the while doing exactly the opposite. They had become extremely red and sore with rashes and all. Itchiness was so bad it was difficult to keep my fingernails away so I was constantly making them look even worse.

I read online to put dandruff shampoo on them and I tried calamine lotion as well. However, they were just getting worse!!! In frustration, I was about ready to give up on them. Scratching them completely off my head sounded more ideal at this point! They looked SO TERRIBLE. So much that I was constantly pulling my hair in front of them and my mom was constantly ostracizing me about it. I was getting desperate and practically yelling at God for healing.

I confided in a couple of friend’s to be in prayer about them while doing my best to keep them covered from the rest of the world. I ended up reaching out to another Christian friend who recommended Coconut oil with Lavender in case it was Eczema. That’s when I started researching. I purchased a few different items for Eczema that acted more as a moisturizer instead of something drying out my skin. Still not aware of the metaphor involved, I applied the stuff and I’m telling you my ears are healing.

They are truly healing and looking 20 times better!

Then God opened my eyes.

Just as I was putting all of these products on my ears drying them out and making them worse…that’s how I’ve been in my walk with Him. I’ve been listening to advice from the world, falling into habitual sin, getting distracted easily with my phone, and becoming busy bodied at work. So busy that when I’d see prayer requests, I would keep scrolling instead of stopping to pray. Everything that dries me up spiritually. No matter how much I tried to cover my ears, I’m sure others saw them…just as I’m sure my faltering has impacted others as well.

This is one of the most difficult blogs to type as of yet, but it’s necessary to bring the dirt into the light for healing.

Just as the moisturizing cream has been giving my ears nourishment and healing…that’s first and foremost what God’s word does in each of our lives. When we are all dried up spiritually, His word is the living water we absolutely need to continue on to have true impact in the world around us. Prayer is absolutely necessary as well. I’m beginning to be more intentional in prayer. I actually hope to pray for someone soon after typing this entry. Bringing sin to the light will also bring about healing which is what it has begun to do for me.

I’m still not perfect, especially after living in a desert mentality for so long. However, through the Lord’s grace and His Word I will find healing spiritually more and more daily. The biggest metaphor involved in it all though is that I need to be listening to God’s voice more than all those around me.

God is oh so good all the time.

God Knows You & I Inside & Out

“Set a fire down in my soul that I can’t contain…that I can’t control. I want more of You, God.”- Will Reagan & The United Pursuit Band

This entry is overdue and I’ve been getting nudged to write & share for over a week now. You know those moments when your roller skating or ice skating and suddenly you fall right smack on your bottom? That’s what I’ve been doing a lot lately with temptation. However, God has remained faithful and through all my falls His 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 has endured.

Last week I was overworked and beyond stressed. I was getting irritable easily and even though I know deep down that I am working for the Lord and His glory all I found myself doing was complaining about the work load. Every year in stocking grocery stores, displays get forced out along with a bunch of other random things. It can get very overwhelming, but if I can learn to lean on God I can make it.

Well last week I was just all griping. I feel bad for my mom that I work with! I was seriously like Grumpy on Snow White. Haha. I even broke down crying in the shower at one point. I practically got to the point where I was shouting at the Lord to wake up to calm the crashing waves against me. I was fearful of drowning and I couldn’t see the shore…at all.

I showed up to work though and God really humbled me… there was a new guy in produce that ended up working almost all of our dairy cases on accident. He thought he had to do them. That was only the first blessing in disguise.

“I need more of You, God…Come and reach into my heart…”-Red Rocks Worship

As I was separating the pallet that was as high as my head…case after case was a new product…meaning we didn’t have to stock them on the shelves. After separating I bet there was at least 50 cases that we did not even have to stock. Wow… I had let my anxiety get out of hand when God was in control. He knew all the details. He had already calmed the waves before I was even aware.

“I’ve been hiding…afraid I’ve let you down, inside I doubt that You still love me…but in Your eyes there’s only grace now.”-Lauren Daigle

This was just one example of God’s mercy and care for things that are so minor for God but seem huge and overwhelming for us. Well He humbled me so much that I decided two days ago that I desperately need to get a grip on the sin I keep falling into. Desperate, I prayed something most girls wouldn’t dare pray. I prayed I would start my time of the month…haha. Well believe it or not, God did not hesitate on answering. The very next morning I woke up to the cramps and that time is now here. Haha. I’ll admit I haven’t taken full advantage of it thus far…playing games on my phone to deal with anxiety more than pressing into the Lord…But alas I still have time to press in. I desperately need to press into Him. He deserves all the glory and oh so much more. Anything on this earth is temporary…but He…He is eternal. He has been there for me even in the middle of my sin and failing Him soooo badly… Now He has taken my hand to help hold me above the water. Now I just need to walk on water…

“You are God over the storm and I am Yours…I hear the voice of love calling me home.”-Lauren Daigle

God has brought me to a place called “God Loves Kids” that’s only 10 minutes down the road. I can volunteer there and potentially go on mission trips all expense paid through volunteering there. In the past my passion was on fire and if I had stumbled upon such an opportunity I would have jumped at it without hesitation. Today, my fire has gone out and it takes so much to get a spark to ignite. Anger towards myself keeps putting out any spark God starts to ignite.

Please pray for me to be able to see myself through God’s eyes…to forgive myself fully…to press into the Lord and to allow that spark to grow into a renewed burning passion for the Lord.