Tomorrow marks one year from the day I graduated.
Not what you’re thinking.
Not from college.
Not from school.
I graduated from a residential program in the small town of Monroe, Louisiana.
Yes, I was there at for almost 7 full months of my life with No internet. No cell phones.
When asked what I’d been up to when I first got back home I skirted past the question just stating I’d been taking a “break” from college.
I wasn’t ashamed that I had needed help…but perhaps…too prideful to admit that I had dropped college and needed to go to this program, Mercy Multiplied, just to feel safe from myself. I had always been goody two-shoes growing up. Straight A’s with the occasional B’s… To admit that college just became too much for me… To admit that I couldn’t live with myself… To admit that I was scared… To admit that I had lost my identity…
Typing this blog is the scariest thing I have done in awhile…But if my cousin Maddie can be real with you and I…then so can I.
I’d like to tell you that I’m 100% better after Mercy Multiplied, but I would be lying to you. I am WAY better, but there are still days where I’m dragging myself out of bed…
Nights where my nails brush against my skin where I have an urge to scratch hard…but I don’t.
Days where I wish so desperately to be back in a house full of sisters to shake the loneliness and feelings of the lack of quality time with friends I now have with how fast-paced the real world is.
God has been at work in everything.
Through that random perfect timing phone call from Jan every so often.
Through a page in a book reminding me that even when I fall I can still choose to rise.
Through my mom working the same job as me four days a week bringing us together.
Through my cat, Loki, who just seems to know when to make me smile and laugh.
Through a simple daily wristband to encourage me through the day.
Through my church family that still welcomes me when I miss a few Sundays.
Needless to say, I’m anxious for the future God has for me. I know He has amazing plans, but right now I feel nowhere near.
And that’s when I read that God’s plan right now for me is to be faithful in the little things. Only then can he trust me with bigger.
I may not be perfect.
I may still fall down.
We all do.
There is, however, a truth you must know.
We can choose to rise after we fall 70 times.
I will rise.