I Was Born Gay

In this blog I’m about to deconstruct the phrase that everyone these days throws around, “I was born this way!” In today’s world, our reason for having certain identities, sexuality’s, stutters, disorders, etc is that we were simply born that way. You cannot judge me because I didn’t CHOOSE to be born this way!

You’re right. You didn’t choose.

However, what if I were to tell you that you can choose to chip away things you were born with that truly are NOT you? What if I told you we are here to figure out who the REAL us is underneath what we were originally born as?

It’s like a caterpillar that eventually becomes a butterfly…nothing like how he was born.

Are you still following me with where I am going?

Let me take you on a journey.

A journey of who I was born as VS. who I am becoming.

I was born into sin. From a very young age I knew I was different. I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember. Instead of thinking I had any sort of choice in the matter, I began to fight against myself in college. Self-harm was frequent and suicide was often on my mind. I was born with a one way ticket to hell.

But Jesus. This King of kings DIED for me to get me out of hell!

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”~2 Corinthians 5:17

Through Christ, I am able to chip away the sins I was born into from my life. I have the choice to allow God to help me to become completely new from the inside out.

There are programs out there to completely “get the gay out,” but honestly I don’t believe these are totally of God. You have to balance MERCY and TRUTH for God to be in the picture.

With just truth you get deadly consequences, but with just mercy there is no lasting change.

There has to be a balance.

I’m telling you now that homosexuality is an evil spirit that has DECEIVED so many of us and so many are getting sucked into it’s evil agenda. This spirit didn’t full force deceive me and pull me into its agenda personally until AFTER I felt the Holy Spirit calling me to pray for my future husband. What does that tell you?

I may be currently single, but whoever my future husband is missed a lot of prayer from me because I was convinced that I was gay and that I had no choice otherwise. So many prayers for him unspoken and for that I am deeply grieved and sorry to whoever you are.

However, there is hope:

“Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.”~1 John 3:1

I have called upon the name of Christ. I know He has died for me and you upon the cross and has risen again! Jesus is my Savior and He has also died for you so that we can all be sons and daughters of God. We no longer have to be who we were. Through Jesus Christ ALL things are possible. We can become completely new: the real us beneath all the sin.

I may have been born gay and I may still have moments where I feel attracted to another woman but through Christ I am becoming new.

Future husband, I pray that the LORD has protected you even while I strayed to follow the wolf in sheeps clothing. I pray you are running after God.

This evil spirit of homosexuality is well disguised, but I’m telling you, reader, that it’s not of God. Show mercy to your brothers and sisters that have fallen for the lies, but please also tell them the truth.

“And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.

Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh.

For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.~Romans 8:10-13


I Will Rise

Tomorrow marks one year from the day I graduated.

Not what you’re thinking.

Not from college.

Not from school.

I graduated from a residential program in the small town of Monroe, Louisiana.


Yes, I was there at for almost 7 full months of my life with No internet. No cell phones.

When asked what I’d been up to when I first got back home I skirted past the question just stating I’d been taking a “break” from college.

I wasn’t ashamed that I had needed help…but perhaps…too prideful to admit that I had dropped college and needed to go to this program, Mercy Multiplied, just to feel safe from myself. I had always been goody two-shoes growing up. Straight A’s with the occasional B’s… To admit that college just became too much for me… To admit that I couldn’t live with myself… To admit that I was scared… To admit that I had lost my identity…

Typing this blog is the scariest thing I have done in awhile…But if my cousin Maddie can be real with you and Ithen so can I.

I’d like to tell you that I’m 100% better after Mercy Multiplied, but I would be lying to you. I am WAY better, but there are still days where I’m dragging myself out of bed…

Nights where my nails brush against my skin where I have an urge to scratch hard…but I don’t.

Days where I wish so desperately to be back in a house full of sisters to shake the loneliness and feelings of the lack of quality time with friends I now have with how fast-paced the real world is.

But God.

God has been at work in everything.

Through that random perfect timing phone call from Jan every so often.

Through a page in a book reminding me that even when I fall I can still choose to rise.

Through my mom working the same job as me four days a week bringing us together.

Through my cat, Loki, who just seems to know when to make me smile and laugh.

Through a simple daily wristband to encourage me through the day.

Through my church family that still welcomes me when I miss a few Sundays.

Needless to say, I’m anxious for the future God has for me. I know He has amazing plans, but right now I feel nowhere near.

But God.

And that’s when I read that God’s plan right now for me is to be faithful in the little things. Only then can he trust me with bigger.

I may not be perfect.

I may still fall down.

We all do.

There is, however, a truth you must know.

We can choose to rise after we fall 70 times.

I will rise.

Spark of Love

God is good.

I just finished watching the movie Right to Believe. I teared up three times and honestly I haven’t cried at all in awhile.. the raw emotion, passion, and love portrayed in this movie kept my attention until the end.

A little over a year ago I believed I was homosexual. Today I am so extremely grateful for friends that didn’t sway from their beliefs and ultimately for God who eventually got through the walls I built up. I was caught in deception by Satan, but more and more Gods truth is reigning in my life. God is bringing up even small things Satan got me to believe at a young age that are still effecting me today.

In middle school one of my best friends was Helen. We had a common interest in cats and enjoyed hanging out! One day, however, I greeted her excitedly accidentally by the wrong name. She abruptly became highly offended and it was not long after that minor incident that she never spoke to me again..

Today, someone greets me “Hey Danielle!!” I immediately feel the sense to say “Hey (insert name)!” in response. However, this belief that I will say the wrong name offending them holds me back to where I end up just simply saying, “Heyy!!” with a big smile in an attempt to not be too socially awkward. I’m determined to break this fear and false truth I hold tightly.

Love is a choice. When someone takes that small extra step of saying aloud my name I feel a spark of love. It’s time I begin to return the sparks. ❤️

I am a Child of God AND Bisexual

I used to think like so many Baptists out there.

I used to think I knew everything just by reading the Bible face value.

God shook my core and showed me I was taking the wide road.

Most Christians (definitely not all) will tell you homosexuality is a sin…an abomination. 

Then out of “love” they will point this out to someone that claims they are gay even if this gay person is clearly running after God (personally, I still make mistakes).

Instead of comforting them and embracing them just as they are they in turn push them away from God.

I did this…to myself. 

I prayed and prayed God would make me straight to protect me from myself and to please God. 

But His response wasn’t what I expected. 

He embraced me. He showered me with blessings and desires of my heart. He helped me run more after Him while being bisexual. 

I sometimes convinced myself that I was actually straight but later I realized that God didn’t want me to be ashamed of His creation. He knit every part of me. He knew what I would like and dislike. He knew who I would be attracted to and who I wouldn’t be. 

I refuse to be ashamed of part of me just because some claim that part of me is immorally wrong. God is perfect; He does not make mistakes. I am not a mistake. My sexual orientation is not a mistake. I refuse to hide or stay in the closet because this part of me is part of God’s creation just as my eyes, my nose, and the fact that I don’t like cilantro. 

Okay okay I don’t go around proclaiming I don’t like cilantro so why am I throwing up my hands saying I am bisexual??

Because I’m tired of people being ashamed of this part of themselves when God created EVERY part of them. I’m tired of others trying to play the judge saying that this persons sexual orientation is wrong and needs to be changed…healed…etc. 

Look at yourselves…I’m not going to insist that you straighten your hair when God made it curly…so why do you insist that I be straight when God made me bisexual? 

Do I wish I was straight? Sure. 

But God…

He makes NO mistakes. 

I am His child just as much as you are.

God is the only one who can judge each of us for we are HIS creation. 

An Apology and Confession from one Raised in a Southern Baptist Church

This will probably be the hardest letter to write in my entire life. 

I grew up in a church where homosexuality was a disgusting sin, where I was told around me that all gays were really promiscuous and all about sex. I was told that gay men often raped young boys. Yes, this was a harsh environment to grow up in. Especially when I was being told to love thy neighbor, yet detest thy gay neighbor… I was told being gay was a choice and immorally wrong. 

Fast forward to high school…I was attracted to this one guy for a little while. After him I started feeling attracted to my girl friends as well as a girl classmate. I immediately shoved the thought/feeling down and rejected it knowing it was a sin. I soon became depressed not only because another guy I became attracted to rejected me, but also because of these repressed feelings. Being gay had to be a choice if I was attracted to both men and women right? I just needed to focus on the men and choose heterosexuality…

College came quickly and before I could stop my attraction towards women I realized I had fallen in love with a friend. She was perfect to me. She was on fire for God. She was always loving and compassionate in her speech. I could sense the Holy Spirit within her. And when she would flip her hair…I became mesmerized. I imagined us on fire for God side by side. But alas, she was not attracted to me. She explained to me the verses I already knew about how it was interpreted that homosexuality was a sin. I did not choose to be attracted to her. I wanted desperately to fall in love with a man. Life would be easier and I wouldn’t be committing a sin. I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to take the gay out of me. I punished myself with physical harm for every girl I became attracted to. I entered a deep depression and almost killed myself… By the way she is now happily engaged to a man. 

Now, after being back home I’ve begun to realize how wrong I’ve been…How un-Christlike I’ve been. Forgive me for all these unloving thoughts that were engraved into me over the years. As I’ve slowly been deconstructing them and accepting myself more my eyes are beginning to be open to the ways of Christ. My heart has so much to say but for sake of trying to not make this too long…

Christ pursued those that were rejected by the church. He showed them His unconditional love. Through this rock hard heart of mine Christ has convinced me that being attracted to the same gender is not a choice. I have begun to find more community of loving people through the LGBTQ community than I’ve ever had before. I do not believe that being attracted to the same gender is a sin anymore. Do I still cower away in fear of what my fellow Baptists think of me for slowly coming out?  Do I fear being abandoned? Do I still try to pretend I’m heterosexual even surrounded by the LGBTQ community in person? Do I not admit that I found a church through gaychurch.org and that I simply “googled” it?

I’m ashamed to answer these questions with a yes…especially when I’m told these ideas that bisexual/pansexual people are highly active sexually. Do I want this reputation? Of course not. It’s simply not true. I’ve never had sex and I’m 23 years old AND bisexual/pansexual. It’s easier for me to come out online, but to come out in person is a challenge. Forgive me once again for being so slow to reach out in love and care for those in the LGBTQ community. Forgive me for only being able to stand up for you…for us…online. I pray that one day soon I will NOT shy away from this part of my identity out in the world. I pray that I will be able to stand along side each of you without feeling uncomfortable because of my beliefs growing up even though I am one of you. 

Lastly, please pray for me and for Christians everywhere that are being unloving. Christ, hear our prayers. Amen.

LGBTQ Homophobia: An Epidemic

She kisses her friend.
“That is wrong! You cannot do that!”
Told from age 4 to deny part of herself.

She dreams about kissing a girl.
“Homosexuality is a sin!”
As a teenager she begins to condone herself.

She loves her friend; She loves her humble spirit running after God.
“I’m praying for you like my alcoholic friend.”
Heartbroken, she hates herself.

She comes out to a friend.
“Love the sinner; hate the sin.”
Deep down she knows there is only one way to kill the “sin”.

She opens her Bible at college:
“Homosexuality is an abomination.”
Through misinterpretation she’s now standing on a chair, rope around her neck, crying out to God.

How does this story end? You tell me.
This poem is not a work of fiction. It is a true story from my life. I identify as a Christian that is pansexual. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world now, but I am also still attracted to the same gender. Many of you will be silent in response to this poem; in fact most of you will. I pray that you will not be silent for the next LGBTQ person. God loves the LGBTQ community unconditionally.

Coming Out

Roxanne held in a secret for years since she grew up in the church. She feared being kicked out if her secret got out. When she went to college she began to open up to some friends she made from the church she attended there. She was finally coming out of the closet. She had beat herself up for so long believing God condemned her…when she finally came out…things got worse. She was told she could not be a student leader at church and her friends distanced themselves and said they would be praying. She eventually convinced herself that God wanted her dead…

Fast forward a couple years, she is still alive. Roxanne was me and God knocked me on my knees with His unconditional love. He humbled me and gave me compassion towards the lgbtq community tremendously. Personally, I still am attracted to the same sex…but I have a boyfriend now and I have been blessed by his love. He is kind, sympathetic, understanding, gentle, silly, and even annoying (in a good way) at times. His actions sometime remind me of the love Jesus displays towards us. I know now after much conviction that God wants me to have a husband one day, but that does not mean I’m no longer attracted to the same sex. Would I consider myself heterosexual? Probably not, honestly. But I will follow the Lord’s will for my life to the best of my ability. Will I lose friends from this blog entry? More than likely. But something I realized last night is that the ONLY one constant is God. He knew me before I was born and He will never leave my life so I will hold tightly to Him even if I get rejected by another church. The church is not God. The Church is God’s bride. And His bride is not perfect. She is full of flaws but God still loves her unconditionally. I will not be bitter towards any church anymore because it’s a body of imperfect people so why should I expect anymore? 

Tug Of War (Poem) 

Back and forth 

Euphoric sorrow

Tears of pleasure

A paradox of emotions 

Rope burns as I pull hard

Can barely breathe now

As you pull back I realize I’m not alone

I begin to breathe

Heavier than before

As the sun beats down on us

Feeling filthy while it rains

As my toes squish the mud

And I smell our body odor

When I’m alone I can always win

Or lose if I decide to be against myself and lie in the mud

But with you there’s a bit of suspense and excitement

When you pull the rope out of my hands 

I fall

But instead of falling into the mud…

I fall for you…

And fall into your embrace. 

I’m not alone anymore.

Though there may still be tears

There is also joy.

For a rainbow does not appear without rain and the sun.


I had a dream last night where I called out to God about a friend that believes in Jesus but is away from Him right now. I cried if there was for some reason a way that she now has to go to hell…to take me instead so she could go to Heaven and see Gods love for her.

The good news though is because she believes in Jesus she will be in Heaven no matter what because she was forgiven for past, present, and future sins the day she started to believe. We both used to go to a church where we would get mixed signals on this truth and I believe that’s why she’s now away from God. This saddens me and weighs on my heart terribly. I wish I could communicate to her Gods immense love for her and that she would listen…but one day she will meet Him face to face. I can already see Him embracing her tightly reminding her that she is forgiven and loved. 

So on this Christmas Eve…be reassured that if you believe in Jesus, you WILL be in Heaven one day. He died on the cross for YOU. You are forgiven yesterday, today, and tomorrow. 

Servant: John 13

My time working as a floater at a daycare was a learning and growing  experience for me. I apologize to those I often complained to about my job day in and day out…secretly I was thanking God for the job almost every day because it was teaching me to be a better servant. 

As a floater I had to clean several toilets more than once a day, sweep and mop floors multiple times, clean clean clean, and most importantly I had to run from classroom to classroom assisting teachers in need. There would also be times that I would have to break teachers and watch kids sleep (this honestly was my least favorite part because I would have to deal with my depression and anxiety in my thoughts). Nonetheless, God was with me everyday at the daycare. I loved serving and being behind the scenes. 

During this job, I often prayed for my future husband…but the irony is God was working on my heart to become a better future wife that would serve alongside her husband. 

Now I have a job working at CVS and to be honest it was more difficult for me at first because there I have more alone time with my thoughts. However, God has been with me helping me to get through each day and it has gotten better and better. I’m not as behind the scenes anymore considering I deal directly with you when you come to my register but know when I say good morning or have a good day…I mean it…even if you are the hundredth person I’ve served that day. There is always a silver lining each day…you just have to look for it. When you say Hi back to me or ask how I am instead of ignoring me…that’s my silver lining. So thank you. 

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”~John 13:14-15